James and I were tense all the time. It was difficult for me, the one who grew up with 2 younger siblings, who has a Masters degree in Human Behavior, who has made a career of working with kids, to be this overwhelmingly bad at being with THESE kids. I dreaded the moment each morning when I first heard them stir, and I was on edge all night, waiting for the next cry of "Mommy?"
I finally broke down one morning and as James was trying to calm me down, I blurted out "I just don't love these kids. I thought I loved all kids but I don't." I was at my breaking point. We were have 2 to 5 45 minute tantrums from Thing 1 a day, no matter what we were doing, Thing 2 was trying to run away or climb something, our cat was refusing to eat or groom himself so I was certain he would die...I was just done.
James was so much better at it than me. He kept calm and cool, he didn't yell like I kept finding myself doing on a regular basis. He was able to ignore things that I couldn't. I was counting down to the end of the 6 month placement.
We heard from their adoption social worker that they had a distant relative that might want to take custody. They live in Oregon, have never met the boys, and have no contact with birth mom. We were given their email address and decided to meet at McDonald's on Feb. 14th.
No comments:
Post a Comment