We had just sent some photos to the boys' Oregon family via email. They'd asked for an update.
I was daydreaming in the car on the way home for lunch a few days later. Listening to the radio, and I glanced back into the back seat and saw the car seats. Out of nowhere, I imagined buckling those car seats into someone else's car, strapping the boys in, and saying goodbye. Closing the doors of someone else's car with MY boys inside.
My boys. My. Boys.
My stomach lurched, and I pulled over to the side of the road for a minute, surprised that I was about to cry. When I got it together, I drove the rest of the way home and told James what had happened. I said that I couldn't let them go. He started to grin..."I knew it. I knew you weren't going to be able to let them go." Despite everything that had gone on for the past 2 months, despite my assertions that going to be with biological family would be the most beneficial solution, despite my earlier feelings of despair, they had become my kids and I loved them. We were making a difference--Thing 1 rarely had a tantrum anymore, Thing 2 was speaking more and more and hadn't run from us in weeks. We were really making progress.
I called my mom. She too said, "yup, I knew you weren't going to give them back." My sister said the same thing. Am I so predictable, so transparent that everyone knew that about me but me?
We informed the social workers, who let the Oregon family know. They weren't upset--they were planning to take them out of obligation, but they were nearly done raising kids and weren't looking forward to starting again.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Birthday Party at the Gymnastics Studio
Our friends' daughters celebrated their 5th and 7th birthdays together at the local gymnastics studio. It was a place we hadn't even heard of and we had some expectations that we would likely leave early due to meltdowns. We were hopeful, though, because the boys did like active play so much and this place has trampolines, bars, and a foam pit.
We arrived and removed their shoes. It was like a little kid wonderland. They could climb, swing, jump, tumble and yell all they wanted. This was their dream space. Despite the soundtrack from Frozen blaring in the background, this was quite possibly one of the very best days we had had together.
The boys needed a lot more direction than the other kids, obviously. Thing 2 completely refused to take turns, so I spent most of my time at the activity he liked best, swinging from the big rope, keeping the peace--and often holding him while he screamed and kicked because he needed to wait his turn.
And Thing 1 had a great time. He didn't feel as much like a weird outsider when they had these organized activities to do. He had to be reminded of the rules repeatedly, but he could do everything in the room quite well (they are both very strong).
We arrived and removed their shoes. It was like a little kid wonderland. They could climb, swing, jump, tumble and yell all they wanted. This was their dream space. Despite the soundtrack from Frozen blaring in the background, this was quite possibly one of the very best days we had had together.
The boys needed a lot more direction than the other kids, obviously. Thing 2 completely refused to take turns, so I spent most of my time at the activity he liked best, swinging from the big rope, keeping the peace--and often holding him while he screamed and kicked because he needed to wait his turn.
And Thing 1 had a great time. He didn't feel as much like a weird outsider when they had these organized activities to do. He had to be reminded of the rules repeatedly, but he could do everything in the room quite well (they are both very strong).
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Bikes, and keeping our expectations in check.
You know how you buy someone the perfect present, something you are sure they will love, and you imagine their reaction? The excitement, the delight that you had gotten something so totally cool for them? If you have foster kids, be prepared to dial it back.
We started considering getting them bikes/trikes around the end of February, since they had started noticing them. Thing 1 routinely mentioned the bike and scooter he'd had at Aunty's. We ordered a 2 wheeler with training wheels for the very tall Mr. Thing 1 and a Ninja Turtle (Minger Tootools) Big Wheel for Thing 2. When they arrived I put them together in the basement after they went to bed. We then smuggled them upstairs and outside along with their new helmets and the next day told them we had a surprise for them, got them in jackets and shoes and took them to the patio.
They ran out, and both went for the Big Wheel. We redirected Thing 1 to the "big boy bike," which he checked out for a moment, then said "where's the surprise?" Uh, okay. So once he figured out that the bike was a surprise, we put him on it. He couldn't work it, which we figured would be the case, but he got frustrated immediately, since he was watching his brother use the Big Wheel very successfully, plus realizing that it had sounds and a toy CB radio. Crash. And. Burn.
No amount of coaxing would get him to focus and learn to use his bike. We finally had to put the bikes away after about an hour since every time our backs were turned he would take the Big Wheel from his brother, or coerce him to give it over.
We started considering getting them bikes/trikes around the end of February, since they had started noticing them. Thing 1 routinely mentioned the bike and scooter he'd had at Aunty's. We ordered a 2 wheeler with training wheels for the very tall Mr. Thing 1 and a Ninja Turtle (Minger Tootools) Big Wheel for Thing 2. When they arrived I put them together in the basement after they went to bed. We then smuggled them upstairs and outside along with their new helmets and the next day told them we had a surprise for them, got them in jackets and shoes and took them to the patio.
They ran out, and both went for the Big Wheel. We redirected Thing 1 to the "big boy bike," which he checked out for a moment, then said "where's the surprise?" Uh, okay. So once he figured out that the bike was a surprise, we put him on it. He couldn't work it, which we figured would be the case, but he got frustrated immediately, since he was watching his brother use the Big Wheel very successfully, plus realizing that it had sounds and a toy CB radio. Crash. And. Burn.
No amount of coaxing would get him to focus and learn to use his bike. We finally had to put the bikes away after about an hour since every time our backs were turned he would take the Big Wheel from his brother, or coerce him to give it over.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Field Trips
We had started a habit of taking drives on the weekend, trips Thing 1 had dubbed "fieldtrips." We got a membership to Natural History Exploration Park, so we took them for the first time to check that out. The park had a huge bridge over the river that you could cross, with large beams, glass floor tiles and such. The boys adored the bridge, we got a really pretty family picture taken by a friend and we all went in. The friends' kids had been to the park before and had their favorite spots, haunts and exhibits. True to form, our kids wigged out about being in a new place. The inside walls of a large portion of the park were made to look like river banks, so up they went, climbing. I spent much of the time either peeling Thing 2 off the walls, or chasing him or crawling under things to drag him out.
Overall they had a good time, but it was definitely evident that they have no experience with or understanding of such things. While we had hoped the trip would wear them out, in reality, we were the ones who were exhausted by the end of it.
Another trip we took was up to a historic gold rush town just north of us. This was more their speed. We didn't bother with the museum as we knew they wouldn't be able to handle it. We let them run through the barns, around on old wagons and such. There was an old, restored general store that they got to check out and the docents were so patient. It helped that, unlike our trip to the exploration park, there were very few visitors so they weren't getting in people's way. We also walked through the ruins of the town and discovered an earth and wood staircase up the hillside, so while James stayed below we went up and explored. This was DEFINITELY their cup of tea--climbing, running and not being told to be quiet...they loved that.
We did trips to the mall in bad weather, since they like the play areas inside, we visited different lakes/rivers to throw rocks. We also went to local parks to burn off energy. Thing 2 could CLIMB...like, really climb. Higher than older kids. At first it made me nervous and I tried to follow him up everywhere he went but I realized that, since he didn't get scared about the heights, he was quite comfortable and stable, and was only really unsafe if I was following him and he felt I was going to pull him down or tell him to get off. Then he got reckless.
Roadtrips were a really lifesaver on weekends when there was no break afforded by Thing 1 going to school. When they were strapped into car seats, they were safe, in our control and relatively happy. I could actually relax.
Overall they had a good time, but it was definitely evident that they have no experience with or understanding of such things. While we had hoped the trip would wear them out, in reality, we were the ones who were exhausted by the end of it.
Another trip we took was up to a historic gold rush town just north of us. This was more their speed. We didn't bother with the museum as we knew they wouldn't be able to handle it. We let them run through the barns, around on old wagons and such. There was an old, restored general store that they got to check out and the docents were so patient. It helped that, unlike our trip to the exploration park, there were very few visitors so they weren't getting in people's way. We also walked through the ruins of the town and discovered an earth and wood staircase up the hillside, so while James stayed below we went up and explored. This was DEFINITELY their cup of tea--climbing, running and not being told to be quiet...they loved that.
We did trips to the mall in bad weather, since they like the play areas inside, we visited different lakes/rivers to throw rocks. We also went to local parks to burn off energy. Thing 2 could CLIMB...like, really climb. Higher than older kids. At first it made me nervous and I tried to follow him up everywhere he went but I realized that, since he didn't get scared about the heights, he was quite comfortable and stable, and was only really unsafe if I was following him and he felt I was going to pull him down or tell him to get off. Then he got reckless.
Roadtrips were a really lifesaver on weekends when there was no break afforded by Thing 1 going to school. When they were strapped into car seats, they were safe, in our control and relatively happy. I could actually relax.
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